Submodule 7.4 – Bereavement Coaching for those grieving a suicide
Coaching those grieving a suicide is a particularly delicate and complex challenge for the GRIEF COACH, as this form of mourning often comes with taboos, stigmatization, and intense emotional reactions. People close to a person who died by suicide are confronted with a sudden and unexpected loss, which can cause a sense of shock, disbelief, and chaos. They are also dealing with complex, and sometimes conflicting, emotions such as guilt, anger, shame, or feelings of abandonment, which can complicate their grieving process.
In the face of these challenges, the role of the GRIEF COACH is to provide an empathetic, non-judgmental, and reassuring presence, allowing those grieving to openly express their thoughts and emotions. It is essential to create a safe environment for open dialogue, where they can share their experience without fear of being judged, minimized, or misunderstood. The coach can help them put words to their feelings, to normalize their reactions, and to explore their specific needs. They can also inform them about the specifics of grieving a suicide, such as ceaseless questioning, imagined scenarios, or fantasies of mending, to help them better understand their experience.
A particularly relevant tool in this context is working through difficult emotions such as guilt, anger, or shame. Those grieving a suicide often tend to blame themselves for their loved one’s action, to ruminate on alternative scenarios, or to experience intense anger toward the deceased, society, or themselves. The GRIEF COACH can help them explore these emotions, understand their roots and express them in a healthy and constructive way. They can invite them to write a letter to their deceased loved one, to keep a journal of their thoughts, or to practice anger management exercises, such as deep breathing or soothing visualization.
Simultaneously, it is crucial to explore existential and spiritual questions raised by suicide with those grieving. Many of them wonder about the reasons that drove their loved one to end their life, the suffering they may have felt, or the meaning of their life and death. They may also question their religious or philosophical beliefs, particularly regarding the afterlife or individual responsibility. The GRIEF COACH can help them embrace these questions, by inviting them to express their doubts, hopes, and beliefs. They can also encourage them to find their own answers, by relying on their inner resources and deep values.
In this process, collaboration with other professionals and support from loved ones is essential. Those grieving a suicide often need specific therapeutic follow-up to deal with the traumatic aspects of their grief and to prevent risks of depression or acting out. The GRIEF COACH can guide them towards specialized psychologists or support groups, while maintaining a link of trust and coordination. They can also involve loved ones in the support, by helping them communicate openly and compassionately, share their emotions, and support each other. Finally, they can make them aware of the association and community resources dedicated to suicide prevention and support for the bereaved.
A poignant example of this type of coaching is Sophie, a 30-year-old woman who lost her brother to suicide, whom I accompanied as a GRIEF COACH. Throughout our exchanges, Sophie was able to express her heart-wrenching guilt for not having recognized her brother’s suffering, along with her anger toward him for “abandoning” her. We explored these emotions together, welcoming them gently and seeking to understand their roots. At the same time, Sophie questioned the meaning of life and death, as she had a deep Christian faith. We thought together about the lessons she could learn from this ordeal, on a spiritual and existential level. Sophie also participated in a support group for siblings grieving suicide, where she was able to share her experience and create mutual support links. Gradually, she found the strength to transform her sorrow into commitment, by volunteering for a suicide prevention association.
Accompanying people grieving suicide is a mission as difficult as it is necessary for the GRIEF COACH, requiring a broad open-mindedness, tolerance to suffering, and the ability to welcome intense and sometimes contradictory emotions. It is a journey strewn with doubts, questions, and moments of discouragement, but also profound realizations and internal transformations. By offering a steady, kind, and enlightened presence to these people, we can help them navigate this ordeal with courage, lucidity, and hope. We can accompany them in their quest for meaning, resilience, and inner peace, honoring the memory of their deceased loved one and nurturing the life that continues within them.
Key takeaways:
– The coaching of people grieving suicide is a delicate and complex challenge for the GRIEF COACH, as this form of mourning often comes with taboos, stigmatization, and intense emotional reactions.
– The role of the GRIEF COACH is to provide an empathetic, non-judgmental, and reassuring presence, allowing the bereaved to freely express their thoughts and emotions in a safe space.
– A suitable tool is working through difficult emotions (guilt, anger, shame) by helping the bereaved explore, understand, and healthily express them.
– It is crucial to explore the existential and spiritual questions raised by suicide, encouraging the bereaved to express their doubts and beliefs and find their own answers.
– Collaboration with other professionals (psychologists, support groups) and the involvement of loved ones are essential in this coaching process.
– Coaching for those grieving a suicide requires a broad open-mindedness, tolerance for suffering, and the ability to welcome intense emotions. It is a difficult journey that can lead to profound inner transformations.
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